Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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