literally had 100 drinks last night.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
