actually, I'm a sock model
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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