She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
