Your dad touched me again.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
