oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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