I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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