Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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