It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
