im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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