I can't watch pbs sober anymore
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
