Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The Olympian is in my bed
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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