If i come over, it means nothing
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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