I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
