I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
