we're blogging at a bar
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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