I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
