He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
