For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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