Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I can't put those talents on a resume
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
