we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize