if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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