I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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