cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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