I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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