even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize