FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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