On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
