im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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