Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
