He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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