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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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