Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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