This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
