Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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