It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
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