Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
