i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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