the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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