smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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