ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
he just fucked me for my cheese.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
