i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
