sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I smell stomach acid.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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