im drinking this country out of the recession.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
