WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
