It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
