just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
