Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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