i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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