I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize