Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
