I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
