She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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