when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
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