38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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