You smell like a Billy Joel song
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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