despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
