I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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