Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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