Where did you get a picture of my penis
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
