Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You ruined the universe
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