Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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