he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
