And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize