ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
