My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The feeling are messing with the penis
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
