I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
