I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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