Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
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