How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize