so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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