Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
