Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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