Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
