This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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