It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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