I am puke
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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