she smelled like a LAN party
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
