The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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