3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
