Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
